Alpha-female seeks man to let her be her own independent woman —- or she’ll send him packing

Alpha-female seeks man to let her be her own independent woman —- or she’ll send him packing

Moncton — Local woman Tamara Smith, 21, recently confessed to all of Facebook that, despite already possessing natural good looks and smarts, she is ready for a real man to help her be the best version of herself. But let that lucky man be warned — he’d better not hold her back, or she’ll send him packing.

Smith told our bored reporter that she let social media know her intentions by sharing several incoherent yet emotional-sounding posters that echo her sentiments. On Nov. 3, she created a post with the following empowering message:

“The worst part about giving urself to someone isn’t the hurt they give u back but the time in between that you could have been making urself better for the one u know that is meant for u that u just were 2 blind by looking the other way to see the whole time because you couldn’t see clearly but now you do and that’s the part that hurts.”

“I hope I send the message with this that maybe your ex was a bad guy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find love,” explained Smith. “And ladies, why can’t we stop fighting over men and be the kind of strong women that men actually fight for?”

Evidently not requiring a response to this pointless question, Smith immediately opened her laptop to display her Facebook page, which is mostly just a compilation of similar posters and pictures of her drinking wine alongside her “besties,” with captions reading:

“Solo for the first time in awhile but i literally never feel alone when I have my fave ladies and a bottle of wine! <3 <3 #wine #vino #ladiesnight #mygirls #dontneedyouanymoreBae.”

Our reporter wondered aloud: “Who the fuck is ‘bae’ and what do wine and selfies have to do with being OK with who you are?” to which Smith replied, “It’s like I always say — dating is hard when you’re an alpha female. My ex couldn’t see how strong a woman I was and didn’t get that I just need to be alone sometimes, you know?” To prove it, Smith showed us a very deep and moving post about solitude, which she had ironically shared on Facebook with audience settings as “public.”

The dismayed reporter also noted a post below it, with an image of a beach, reading: “Bae always said i was too alpha and too strong a feminist but he don’t see the empath underneath that. sometimes we cover up our true self to protect us from the world. does that make me weak? maybe the world needs more weakness if thats what u mean.”

Smith explained this unintelligible sentence by mentioning an article from Elephant Journal of which she’d read at least a paragraph. “It was about empaths and the struggle of being one while trying to love a type-A extrovert. I need a man who’s also an empath, not an alpha male. But he should also know when to step up to the plate and treat me like a lady. I’m 21 —  I can’t waste any more time on boys who don’t understand how complex I really am.”

Our reporter, having lost all faith in humanity, left and failed to file this story. We had to piece it together from Smith’s Facebook page and Instagram account.

  1. You should have played this straight. The humour decays increasingly as the writer blatantly points out how silly this behaviour is. Deploy deadpan next time.


Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.