Charlottetown — Prince Edward Island plunged into complete anarchy on Saturday the 27th as liquor stores across the province closed due to a computer error that crippled the liquor commission’s ability to exchange money for its wares.
Every PEI Liquor outlet shut down except for a few agency stores throughout the island.
“It was about 25 hours of sheer panic in the streets,” commented Sgt. Bob Gallant of the Charlottetown Police Department. “We had crews in full riot gear standing by.”
“I didn’t know what to DO!” cried Lewis Frank, a 22-year-old Summerside resident. “Mel’s was too far away to drive to and the bootlegger in Tignish is on back-order till spring.”
Thankfully for Frank the situation resolved itself before he had to resort to not drinking for the weekend. “I mean, what else is there to do here?” he asked rhetorically. “They closed down the strip club, and the bar in Summerside suuuuuuuuuuuuucks.”
The liquor commission apologized profusely for any inconvenience the issue may have caused residents.
“We have set up mental health triage centres in our stores Island-wide,” said Carl Adams, a representative of PEILC. “Grief counsellors remain on scene with free pints of Gahan to help ease the pain and suffering.”
Island RCMP and EMS report that nobody was hurt as a result of the computer malfunction, other than some withdrawal. Mel’s on St. Peters Road in Charlottetown is thinking of expanding their operation thanks to the sales over the weekend.