Fredericton — Atlantic Canadians, following the lead of the rest of the country, have all been wearing the exact same fucking boots since about the time of Confederation.
Blundstones, originating in Australia, are a sort of bland-looking, usually neutral-brown ankle boot with elastic sides, and if you haven’t shelled out $200 for a pair, you’re basically not a true Canadian.
“Being Canadian has come to mean being a consumer of the proper goods — the same goods as everyone else buys,” sociologist Marvin Bleuth of St. John’s explained to The Manatee. “So you need to buy Tim Hortons coffee every day even though logically you know it tastes like a mud-puddle. You need to wear a Canada Goose jacket even though it’s overpriced and not particularly stylish. You need to drive a pickup truck even if you live in the suburbs and have no heavy-lifting needs.
“You should listen to Arcade Fire because they’re pretty inoffensive and the rest of Canada seems to agree that they’re great,” he continued. “You need to pay for HBO so you can watch Game of Thrones and say ‘winter is coming’ to every other person in the goddamn country every week.
“And of course, Blundstones are a must.”
We slipped on our Blundstones and took to the streets of downtown Fredericton, where we seamlessly blended in with all the other skinny jean- and plaid shirt-wearing locals.
“It’s pretty much the uniform of downtown Fredericton,” said Renee Stevenson, 22, whose black Blundstones stood out among the mostly identical brown ones at the Boyce Farmer’s Market. “I don’t even think they let you in bars and restaurants anymore without your Blundstones on. And for sure not at the market.”
“Oh yeah, Fredericton is 90 percent Blundstones and grad school aspirations,” agreed Thompson’s friend Mary Hines, 23, toting her MacBook Pro with the Apple logo facing out. “The other 10 percent is dads wearing Crocs.”
The boot is most popular among young women such as Stevenson and Hines, but it’s also made inroads among other demographics who want to be as similar as possible to as many people as possible.
“I was wearing Dr. Martens like an idiot until last year,” admitted Bryan Killam, 42, of Moncton. “I guess in Moncton we’re always a bit behind on what trends we’re supposed to be following.”
Our reporter noted with disgust that Killam’s girlfriend was wearing those tribal-print leggings that were popular a year ago, but have since gone the way of the Doc Marten.
“Oh, this is embarrassing,” she said, noticing our stare. “I swear, it’s only because my Lululemons are in the wash. Don’t judge.”
It’s funny, I’m from the maritimes, but live on the west coast. It’s true we are always behind the times with the rest of Canada in the east. The Blundstone trend hit max popularity about 2 winters ago on the west coast.
Blundstones and leggings or skinny jeans equals pontoon feet..it’s ugly
“Baaa”, says the Blundstone sheep.