Gagetown — Frederictonians collectively gave an “aaaaah” of understanding when a photo surfaced revealing Base Gagetown’s movie options of Minions, Minions 3D, and a matinee showing of Minions at the base theatre. For years, “army guys” have had a bad reputation in the capital city for drinking too much, starting fights and acting aggressively toward women at the bars. But all that was forgiven when the revealing photo spread like wildfire through social media last week.
“Army guys would stumble up to me at Klub Khrome and spew random sounds and noises out of their mouths, hitting each other in the head and laughing. I thought it was a bad pickup attempt, but now I realize they were just quoting the one movie they’re allowed to see,” said Alicia Grant at the Fredericton Tannery Saturday night, before quickly adding that she supports our troops.
Grant Merrithew, a 23-year-old delinquent who was arrested near the bars for fighting, said he immediately regretted his actions when The Manatee reporter showed him the iconic image.
“First of all, let me just say that I support our troops. I also feel really bad now — I thought that the guy I hit in his army uniform bumped into me on purpose, but he was probably pretending to be a weird little yellow cyclops. Poor guy probably didn’t even know where he was.”
Dwayne Simmonds, manager at the Gagetown theatre, said that the movie selection is carefully chosen by high-ranking military officials to increase combat effectiveness in troops and to get rid of any hesitation in a soldier’s mind when faced with a combat scenario.
“You put our boys in a small, dark theatre, you show them 2 hours of laughing yellow Tic Tacs running through dangerous situations, and you release them in the warzone out East. That’s your recipe for a super soldier, right there.”
Simmonds declined to comment when our reporter asked whether the yellow “Support Our Troops” ribbons were related to the yellow skin of “Minions,” but did whisper to our intrepid reporter that he should play the Minions trailer backward. The Manatee did so, and the same message was repeated over and over: Support Our Troops.