New Brunswick — Premier Brian Gallant has proposed a simple solution to the problem of New Brunswickers buying alcohol in Quebec: A wall.
Border walls are a hot topic these days, with American politician Scott Walker allegedly proposing the construction of a wall between the United States and Canada, cutting down on such crimes as syrup smuggling and the return of ex-hippy Vietnam draft dodgers who haven’t showered since the 1960s.
“Last night, I was flipping through the cable channels, and I saw all that talk about the possibility of a border wall between the States and Canada, and it hit me,” Gallant said. “A wall is the perfect low-tech solution to the bewildering problem of quashing tax dodgers.”
Since New Brunswick doesn’t have the credit rating to borrow funds on the level of the U.S. federal government, the wall would likely be a more modest affair than its counterpart on the Maine border. Gallant said he was fielding several proposals, including simply dragging the province’s derelict fishing boats that line our shores and lining them end-to-end along the border.
The divider would also need a dedicated staff of border guards, and Gallant says his government has a proposal for that as well.
“What we’re thinking is, with a change in government every term, there’s a lot of unemployed politicians on EI these days,” he explained. “Why not put those down-on-their-luck politicos to work on the border, until the next election? Then, they can just swap jobs with the MLAs they’re replacing.”
Reaction to the proposed wall has been divided. While many New Brunswickers say the wall would interfere with their “natural-born right to cheap alcohol,” some residents from the southern half of the province say the wall doesn’t go far enough.
“I’ve been saying we need a wall like this for years,” said a resident of St. George, who wished to remain anonymous. “Put ‘er about halfway through the middle of the province, to keep all those guys from up north back at home during hunting season. I’m sick and tired of seeing their campers lined up in the woods behind Pennfield.”
The disgruntled Charlotte County man then shuffled off, muttering something about needing “to go donate to the Anglo Society.”