New Brunswick — This week New Brunswickers will once again be making New Year’s resolutions in an effort to improve themselves for the year ahead. The Manatee has taken the top 10 N.B. resolutions and broken down the likelihood of successfully keeping them:
1. Lose weight and get fit: This one should be pretty easy for the large population of New Brunswick. The unemployment rate is on the incline along with the price of food. New Brunwickers simply can’t afford food anymore; therefore, weight loss should come simply by cause and effect.
2. Quit smoking: You would think this would be as easy as number 1, but for some reason it isn’t. Even when funds are running short, New Brunswickers always seem to find the extra cash for the essentials in life such as cigarettes.
3. Learn something new: Another easy one for New Brunswickers. On a regular basis the N.B. population is learning how to drive trucks for oil rig jobs, how to operate machinery for oil rig jobs, general oil rig labour skills, and all sorts of other competencies involved with working on an oil rig.
4. Eat healthier and diet: Another resolution for which New Brunswick residents are on the right path. It seems like everyone is on the “healthy” gluten-free diet nowadays, even if they don’t suffer from celiac disease. It’s the in thing to do. Who cares if it costs more and the food tastes bland and has the texture of cardboard? Not New Brunswickers, that’s for sure.
5. Get out of debt and save money: We don’t see this one happening. Not everyone can win the Lotto 649, and that’s what all New Brunswickers are banking on. The only other solution would be if the price of gas stays on the decline until it eventually hits 30 cents per litre.
6. Spend more time with family: Another win for New Brunswick resolution-keepers. With the N.B. divorce rate at a staggering 64 percent, most divorced parents are being forced to spend 50 percent of their time with their kids, which is way more than they did while they were married.
8. Be less stressed: This is a tricky one to keep because to do so, New Brunswickers have to ignore 2 of their other resolutions (#2 and #10). We don’t see this one being a problem for most of the population though; priorities are important, and this one comes first for most.
9. Volunteer: So many rewards can be found for New Brunswickers if they’re able to keep this resolution. Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community; it teaches respect for others and gives a sense of humility that cannot be found elsewhere. Also, it looks great on a resumé and you can subtly brag about how great you are to all of your friends.