BREAKING: Woman climbs Big Potato in New Brunswick

BREAKING: Woman climbs Big Potato in New Brunswick

Maugerville — A local foodie is trying to take the starch out of keto diet advocates.

One hour ago, a Doaktown woman climbed to the top of the “Big Potato” in Maugerville to protest the popular high-fat, low-carb ketogenic diet.

And, she’s not coming down until Canadians start making carbohydrates great again.

“It’s time to revive the chive and redeem sour cream!” cheered 24-year-old carb advocate Emily Pates from atop the statue. “Potatoes have gotten a bad rap from keto fans and I say it’s time bring back the bacon bits!”

Inspired by the infamous July 4 Statue of Liberty protest, Pates started her climb up the potato landmark shortly after creating her “DON’T ABOLISH RICE!” T-shirt with her mother’s Cricut. Having completed extensive research from the “University of Google,” she says New Brunswickers should veto the keto and go back to the sack.

“There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with eating a healthy amount of carbs,” she maintained. “It’s all about balance and perspective. Like, maybe don’t eat a heaping basket of french fries with every single meal, but think of it more as a ‘side dish.’ And keep bread consumption to less than one loaf per day. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I swear by it.

“Besides, look at me,” said Pates. “I eat all of the the bread, rice, potatoes and pasta that I want and I don’t gain an ounce!”

“Oh, she’s one of those people who can eat whatever they want,” said an older neighbour dryly. “Well then. Good for her.”

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