Corner Brook — A Newfoundland man is three weeks into a social experiment where he must use a Magic 8-Ball to make all of his life decisions.
“It’s going…well…wait a second,” said Greg Norman, shaking the Magic 8-Ball furiously. “Well, the outlook is not so good, according to the 8-Ball.”
The rules of the experiment deem that Norman must make every single decision with the aid of the ball.
He’s been forced to try new food (“Falafel! Who would have thought chickpeas could taste so good!”), find new ways to get to work (“I had to steal a kid’s scooter in the first week, which sucked, but it’s not the first time for me!”) and he’s been wearing more provocative outfits lately (“The 8-Ball doesn’t seem to like pants.”).
Norman said the experiment started after he found his old Magic 8-Ball on a weekend visit home. “I was just doing some soul-searching, ya know, looking through my childhood things just trying to find that part of myself that I had lost, and then it hit me,” said Norman. “Literally, the ball flew off my shelf and knocked me out cold on the ground.”
After being discharged from the hospital, Norman’s friends suggested that he should use it to make his choices. “He’s a pretty indecisive dude so we thought this would help,” stated Paul Boddy, a friend of Norman.
Two days ago, Norman asked the ball whether or not he should move in with his longtime girlfriend, Ari Penga. “I really wanted to, but I had to check with the ball. When I shook it, it said ‘My sources say no.’”
Norman said he was heartbroken, and that Penga was outraged as she was standing next to him when the 8-Ball made its decision.
“He’s such an idiot,” said Penga. “We’ve been dating for six years — this is a huge step backwards.”
Things are looking up though, as the 8-Ball said “Yes, definitely” when Norman asked it if he should buy Penga some apology chocolates.
“She threw the chocolates in my face, but hey, at least the 8-Ball deemed it Ok for me to pick them up off the floor and eat them, so that was pretty sweet.”