Fredericton — On Halloween night, every kid on the block knows to avoid Old Man Higgs’s place.
Not only does the Progressive Conservative leader refuse to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, but the old codger is known to give any hapless child who does land on his doorstep an earful about government overspending.
The white, Victorian-style home is usually devoid of any seasonal decorations throughout the month of October. Tonight, however, it was looking quite festive after a group of local hoodlums (otherwise known as the Liberal party) tossed rolls of toilet paper all over the house and yard in an attempt to prank the would-be premier.
Despite the fact that the toilet paper is the one-ply variety often found in government offices, there is little concrete evidence Brian Gallant did, indeed, concoct this act of petty vandalism. Nevertheless, Higgs said that he is certain the attack came from his rival.
“This action is incredibly childish,” Higgs sternly told The Manatee while stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit left on his porch. “Although, this is exactly what I’ve come to expect from Mr. Gallant, given his recent behaviour.”
The Manatee caught up with Gallant at his home as he was handing out apples and celery sticks to kids at the door.
“I would never do something like that, especially during such a politically divided time in our province,” he said. “However, I cannot claim speak for what Spider-Man might do.”
He winked conspiratorially.
“…Because I was dressed up like Spider-Man when I did it.”