Atlantic Canada — After a CBC Go Public story called out TD Bank for duping people into purchasing services they don’t need and can’t afford, and subsequent stories revealed that all major Canadians banks are engaged in the same slimy practices, customers are withdrawing funds from banks and simply burying their money outside.
“It’s the way to go — your money’s not secure unless it’s underground,” said Saint John resident Donna Cooper. “I withdrew all my money from TD, shut down my accounts, and put the cash in a Ziploc. I buried it in the snow for now, but come spring I’ll find somewhere safer to put it. Maybe in the hollow of a tree or something.”
Barry Myers of Halifax, an ex-Scotiabank customer, did something similar. “I trust bankers about as far as I can throw them,” he said. “They call themselves ‘advisers,’ but if they were honest they’d have advised me to vacuum-seal and padlock my money and toss it in the harbour — there’s no bank fees under the ocean. I have a scuba suit so I’ll go find it when I’m good and ready.”
St. John’s resident Gerald Parker, 86, said rather than risk being signed up for expensive lines of credit or mortgages by shady banks, he’s asked the young man who shovels his driveway in the winter to hide his money. “I shut down my account at the Bank of Montreal, and gave my money to Tyler, who said he’d take care of it for me. He’s only 12 but he’s more qualified than the crooks at BMO. He’ll put ‘er somewhere safe so I can rest easy.”
Banks are pleading with their clients to reconsider this hasty move, even offering them reduced rates for services. Some banks are going so far as to offer indoor burying sites where customers can deposit their money for a small fee.
“A money burial plot of sorts is under construction right now at our main branch,” said CIBC financial adviser Rhonda MacDougall. “People who no longer trust our online and virtual services, or even tellers, can bury physical cash, or — for an additional fee, of course — can have one of our new Fund Burial Specialists do the manual labour for them.
“We are asking Canadians to please reconsider taking banking into your own hands. Leave it to us — we have your best ‘interest’ at heart.”