Christmas-themed cutting board now shitty enough to be used year-round

Christmas-themed cutting board now shitty enough to be used year-round

Salisbury — A once-treasured holiday-themed cutting board is now in such decrepit condition that it can be used year-round.

According to local grandmother Blanche Decooper, there is no longer any reason to store the Christmas cutting board with the other holiday-themed items that are only used one month per year.

Now, after several years of faithful service as a December preparatory tool, the aging tempered-glass platter can just “be left out” and used all year. While previously used only for Christmas baking and prepping huge meals for holiday family gatherings, it has lost its lustre for good.

“I remember when I first found it so clearly,” beamed Decooper. “I was at Winners, or HomeSense, or Walmart…one of those stores. Anyways, the snowmen looked so jolly and the colours were so bright! At Christmas dinner, my daughter-in-law gushed at how pretty it was, and I blushed a little. It was my favourite Christmas kitchen tray!”

However, the wear and tear took its toll. Decooper remembers exactly when the cutting board started to go downhill. “Look, I’m getting old and I’m not going to wash every darn thing by hand when there’s a perfectly good dishwasher sitting right there! I mean, come on!”

After a few hot water washes using those “dang Platinum power tablet things,” the snowman decal began to crack and peel. After several more washes, the once-lauded holiday piece was “ruined,” but Decooper will not throw it away.

“I mean, it’s a perfectly good cutting board, and no one has to see it but me,” she explained. “It would cost $30 or $40 to replace that! I’m on a fixed income!”

The cutting board has now joined the ranks of other spoiled holiday items at Decooper’s house including the bleach-stained Santa Claus dish towels, the mostly burnt candy cane-scented candle and the reindeer can opener with the missing antler.

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