Fredericton — A capital city couple are planning a romantic dinner in their own bathtub this weekend. Samantha Olsen, 31, and James Matheson, 32, say it’s been ages since they’ve had a date night due to being stuck at home for the last two months, and they’re looking forward to enjoying each other’s company in their own private bathroom-restaurant.
“All these restaurants and pubs are putting shower curtains between tables for safety, so I figured we could save about 50 bucks, cut out the middle-man and just eat our usual takeout in the shower. Don’t worry — I’ll sanitize it first and leave the water off the entire time, probably,” said Matheson.
“I mean it’s not like if we went out we could actually socialize with other people at the pub anyway, so I’ll just put a YouTube video on the laptop of some 19-year-olds yelling about sports and exams, and it’ll feel like I’m at the Snooty Fox!”
Olsen said she’s just happy she won’t have to prepare the meal herself.
“I’m so sick of cooking! I ran out of meal ideas about a month ago. But on Friday I’ll order delivery from Tokyo Ramen, pop some wine and just kick back in the tub and let the worries of the week melt away. It’ll be exactly like being at a real restaurant!”
Our reporter inquired as to how two adults will be able to fit comfortably in a small bathtub.
“Please…had you ever been out to eat before the pandemic?” said Olsen. “They’d cram you in like sardines with a bunch of strangers so you could hear all their inane conversations and see them chewing their gross food with their mouths open.
“A lot of places even tried to get this ‘communal table’ trend going — that was the worst. People elbowing you nonstop, having to make awkward small-talk when the place was too quiet. Just terrible. I’d take the bathtub any day.”
“Totally,” said Matheson. “And I won’t have to put on nice clothes, I can just look at my phone the entire time without being judged — because she’s just looking at her phone, too.”
Olsen said she hopes at the very least, being in the shower will inspire her boyfriend to start bathing again.
“He stinks — he hasn’t taken a shower in a damn week. I’ll just get out of the tub and turn the water on when I’m done my food…hopefully he can take a hint.”