Despite new COVID cases, Fredericton first to ‘Green’ level

Despite new COVID cases, Fredericton first to ‘Green’ level

Fredericton — New Brunswick’s recovery from the COVID-19 pandemic hit a new milestone today as the Fredericton region became the first zone to move to the “Green” level of recovery.

Despite having over two-thirds of the 46 new COVID cases announced since last Friday, Public Health announced today that the Fredericton region is ready to remove all public health restrictions in that zone.

“We are so happy to be the first to Green in Zone 3!” gushed Public Health officials in Fredericton today. “We know almost half of the province hasn’t been vaccinated yet, but we are just really pleased with ourselves here. Great job us!

“We’re conscious of the fact that this doesn’t really align with how we’ve applied these restriction levels in the other parts of the province,” admitted staff from Public Health, “But, it’s common knowledge here that the restrictions and lockdowns are really for meant for the other parts of the province, you know…where the ‘dumbos’ live,” they added quietly.

Then, to ostensibly illustrate their point, they spent the next ten minutes in stitches while derisively pantomiming people from other health regions in the province. “Annnnnnyways, you get the point,” they said, wiping away the tears from laughter.

“Actually, there’s no possible way to lock down Fredericton now even if we wanted to,” admitted the official. “Every single building in the city open to the public is on the public exposures list.

“So, screw it, you know? That horse has left the barn, so to speak,” they said. “Let’s go shopping!”

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