Drug dealer now out of business after hiding all merchandise in Halloween candy

Drug dealer now out of business after hiding all merchandise in Halloween candy

Dieppe — While many have spent the last few days enjoying candy gathered on Halloween, former drug dealer Eric Dresden, also known as Sir Blunts-a-Lot, is dealing with the loss of his bread and butter after mistakenly giving away his product to trick-or-treaters on Monday.

According to Dresden, drugs such as painkillers and MDMA to go to his most loyal customers now roam in pillowcases, nowhere to be seen.

“I thought I’d do something nice for my ‘frequent flyers’ this Halloween,” he says, “so I went ahead and put their purchase orders in little treats — sort of like party favours.” Dresden explains that, while on Facebook the next morning and seeing angry mothers posting pictures of prescription drugs in Smarties boxes, ecstasy hidden in Rockets candy wrappers, and marijuana in bags of kale chips intended for his vegan customers, he quickly realized his mistake.

“The problem,” he tells The Manatee, “was that I put the two bowls — one for trick-or-treaters, the other for tweak-and-bakers — next to each other; of course, the idiot I am, I mixed up the fucking bowls.”

The local dealer has now lost all of his clientele due to the career-killing mistake.

One of Dresden’s first buyers, John Johnson, contacted The Manatee to express his frustration towards the unfortunate situation: “I ate like 56 Rockets candy thingies and still didn’t feel anything other than early-onset diabetes. I eventually had to settle with a 4-pack of blue Revs… che brrrap!”

In an attempt to salvage his business, Dresden has posted a Kijiji add asking for everyone in the Dieppe area to return any candy to him. When asked what he would have done differently, Sir Blunts-a-Lot says he would have labelled one bowl “drugs,” the other “not drugs.”

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