Cape Breton — There’s an old joke that bees hum because they don’t know the words. Well, now it appears that the joke is on 38-year-old father Andrew Miller.
As the Miller family enters 5th hour of a 6-hour drive from Saint John, N.B. to Sydney, N.S., the relentless drone of his children singing along to songs they don’t know is eroding the man’s last nerve.
“I must have been an evil, terrible man in my former life,” lamented Miller out loud, barely audible over the joyful performance of Sia’s Cheap Thrills by his two girls — Courtney and Brittany, ages 7 and 8.
“Baby ah da da na ha ba na da da da wa… I LOVE CHEAP THRILLS! Baby I ah da ha ba wa ra da da da da… I LOVE CHEAP THRILLS!” they bellowed, seemingly indifferent to both their lack of lyrical knowledge as well as their father’s pounding migraine headache.
Before leaving New Brunswick, Miller had prepared for the 6-hour drive to Sydney by making sure that his daughters had all of their electronics including Nintendo DS’s, tablets, iPods, as well as functioning headphones. However, he made the fatal mistake of not independently verifying that all of the electronics were adequately charged in advance of departure.
Within 30 minutes of leaving home, both children were complaining loudly that their electronics were dead, and that they were bored with nothing to do. Miller resorted to tuning the radio to several Top 40 stations along the route in an effort to keep the girls entertained.
Now hours later, he regretted the decision as the backseat banshees delighted in screaming pop music as loudly as possible, despite knowing only an insignificant number of the words to each song.
“Most of The Chainsmokers’ songs — like ‘Closer‘ and ‘Don’t Let Me Down‘ — they can make out the words and they sing it just a half-second behind,” explained Miller. “It’s kind of a disorientating vertigo echo, but it’s still much better than a song they really like but don’t know at all — like Kiiara’s ‘Gold’ for example. When they get going on that, I want to pierce my eardrums with the tire gauge.”
Miller says if he could pick one song to never hear again, it would be Lukas Graham’s “7 Years.” “They are 7 years old, and it’s a song about being 7 years old. They are like, ‘IT’S A SONG ABOUT US!’ every single time and lose their minds. It’s their anthem, but it’s my curse.”
Presently, Miller is stopped at a gas station and enjoying the sound of the passing transport truck jake brakes as he fills his tank very, very slowly.