Moncton — Having a family of 12 move into your living room uninvited may sound like a nightmare, but a Moncton family says it’s been an awesome experience and they already miss their foreign guests.
The Gingles family had just returned from vacation in late April when they noticed their washing machine was overflowing with kilts (kilts are like skirts, but in Scotland they’re worn by men).
“The ‘kilts’ smelled like scotch,” said Erik Gingles. “Next we noticed a grumpy old man sitting in our La-Z-Boy, and when I say grumpy, I mean it. There was something about him — just looking at him you knew he was dour, miserly even.”
As it turned out, the old ginger man was one of many Scottish refugees — 12 to be exact — who had settled in the Gingles’ living room while the family was away. They called themselves the “Duck” clan and at first they would come and go, but then one day they just sat down and then didn’t move for the next 4 weeks.
“They played bagpipes all the time. They were always drinking, swearing and cursing about the English and the ‘homos.’ Apparently, they were upset about the results of the independence referendum last fall, so they just up and left and somehow ended up in our house.”
Gingles went on to say that soon, he and his family were unable to sleep at night because they were so worried about their adopted Ducks and whether Canada’s progressive, left-leaning, politically correct television programming would push them over the edge.
“Sometimes they would get so foul-mouthed,” said Gingles. “It bothered our children, but I think, somehow, on some level, they understood. The Ducks were scared. The world was changing around them and they didn’t like it. Even my youngest daughter learned to read them. She would say to me, ‘They’re watching CBC and their beards are getting puffy!’ That’s how we knew to leave them alone, because it meant liquor bottles would soon start to fly.”
Gingles set up hidden cameras and started live-streaming the exploits of the Ducks. Soon, he was receiving messages from people around the world who said they were so enraged by the Ducks’ bigotry and poor English that they were finding it difficult to concentrate while text-messaging.
“Then they just left. One day they were eating haggis and telling us the history of their family crests, and the next thing we knew they were gone. We’re worried about them. We really are. North American society is very progressive. They’re not ready; the culture shock could kill them.”
The Duck family was last seen waiting at a crosswalk in New Scotland, which is apparently the name of this place outside of Moncton. It is unknown why the Ducks wanted to cross the road.