Eastern College launches study into potential health benefits of Costco hotdogs

Eastern College launches study into potential health benefits of Costco hotdogs

Saint John — Eastern College instructor Gerald Freid has been on the cutting edge of research ever since the school’s McAllister Drive location opened in Saint John. Freid theorizes that the idiom “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” is, for the most part, inaccurate.

“Off by a noun — it’s supposed to be a Costco hotdog,” he said. “Also, in terms of quantity, it’s more like, one every couple of hours.”

This is the first health-related study being pursued by Eastern College, an institution known better for its trades programs than for research.

“This will put Eastern on the academic map,” said Bonnie LeJeune, dean of the McAllister Drive campus. While Freid failed to qualify for a National Research Council grant for the study, LeJeune wanted to publicly state that he has the full support of Eastern College.

“We’re also submitting all our Costco receipts to the province,” she explained. “We’ll put a bunch of them in a box and mail it to the government when it gets too full. Eventually, they should send back some money. If it turns out that that’s not how it works, then, worst-case scenario, we saved some lives and ate some hotdogs.”

LeJeune hopes the results of the study will be next season’s health story to go viral on Facebook. Freid, who has himself been taking part in the study for 2 weeks, says participants will eat Costco hotdogs exclusively for a 3-month period.

“They can wash it down with either water or a Circle K slushie, otherwise, outside food will taint the results.”

Before he could comment further, an alarm sounded on Freid’s digital wristwatch. He held up one finger then opened a fanny pack that was around his waist. He removed a single Costco hotdog, a travel-sized bottle of mustard and asked to be excused from the rest of the interview.

Eastern College is seeking 24 volunteers for the first round of the study. Potential candidates must reside in New Brunswick. The wait-list to participate currently holds just under 2,100 names.

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