Fredericton — In a stunning and unexpected turn of events, the entire population of New Brunswick has been awarded the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee Medal by Lieutenant Governor Brenda Murphy for doing absolutely nothing.
The decision to award the medal to the province’s residents was made by Murphy, who reportedly found it refreshing that a group of people could just sit back and enjoy life without feeling the need to constantly achieve, excel, or even “try” in any way.
“I’ve been observing this about New Brunswickers for a while now,” said Lieutenant Governor Murphy in a statement. “And I must say, I find it quite impressive how they manage to just relax and enjoy life. They don’t feel the need to constantly be on the go or striving for success. It’s quite admirable, really.”
The news was met with shock and confusion throughout the province, as residents struggled to understand how they had managed to win a prestigious award for doing absolutely nothing.
“I’m not sure what to make of this,” said Fredericton resident Sarah Thompson. “I mean, I haven’t really done anything noteworthy lately. I’ve just been going muddin’ on the weekend with the hubby. I didn’t think that was medal-worthy.”
Other residents were similarly perplexed, but were nonetheless excited about the news. “I don’t know what we did to deserve this, but I’ll take it,” said Oromocto retiree Harold James. “I’ve been waiting for literally any kind of recognition for anything my whole life, and I’ve finally got it.”
Despite the confusion surrounding the award, the people of New Brunswick are embracing their newfound status as medal-winners. Some are even considering organizing a parade in their honour, despite the fact that they have no actual accomplishments to celebrate.
“I think it’s just nice to be recognized for who we are,” said Saint John resident Emily Chen. “We don’t need to do anything special to deserve this. We can just continue to do the bare minimum to exist. And that’s enough.”