Evolve festival to be held right in your father’s backyard

Evolve festival to be held right in your father’s backyard

Moncton — After being kicked out of the Antigonish, N.S. in April for failing to meet the deadline to develop a medical coverage plan, the organizers behind Canadian music festival Evolve were forced find a quick replacement location.

After several weeks of searching, it was determined that the new concert space would be right smack-dab in the middle of your dad’s backyard.

“The location, of course, is not ideal,” said the event’s executive director, Jonas Colter, “but it’s all we were able to find on such short notice.”

Your dad, for his part, says he’s very much against the idea of hosting the annual music and awareness festival on his property. He’s not even sure how they got the permit. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate a good concert,” your dad said. “Hell, I saw Van Halen on their reunion tour in ’04… But I just seeded the lawn.”

Relations between your father and the festival’s management remains tense, even as preparations and construction go on behind the house where you grew up.

“Look, man. I don’t know what his problem is,” said Colter. “He’s basically got free balcony seats to see Danny Brown.”

But your father said he has no interest in seeing any Danny Brown, no matter how sick people tell him Old is. He just wants his privacy.

“Not only do these hippies show no regard for other people’s property,” your dad said, turning his head back toward the yard. “BUT THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DOUBLE-BOLT PROPERLY!”

He said this loud enough so that the workers putting up the stage behind him could hear.

“Fuuuuck you,” a stagehand said lazily, crushing a cigarette out on your mother’s garden.

Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.