Fitch says premier irresponsible, dreamy

New Brunswick — Opposition Leader Bruce Fitch says that devilishly handsome Premier Brian Gallant is being irresponsible by reducing the number of civil servants for political reasons.

“I wonder if the premier can assure civil servants and the general public that in his systematic firing of deputy ministers, directors and people in the civil service, that it’s not just a political witch hunt … that it is being done under the Civil Service Act, and these revengeful firings will stop,” Fitch said. “Just because he can cut glass with that jawline doesn’t mean he gets to do whatever he wants. He can’t just flash us that smile, get us lost in his baby-blue eyes and make this go away.”

When asked about his ostensible man-crush on the 32-year-old premier, Fitch was incredulous.

fitch2“This isn’t about me! This is about the up to 200 years of experience that the Liberals have sent packing in their malicious house-cleaning,” he exclaimed. “I mean, would I like a so-called ‘bromance’ of sorts with the premier? Do I daydream about he and I playing tennis in the summer, the sun beating down on our necks as we volley the ball to each other? That doesn’t matter. Premier McSteamy has to come clean with New Brunswickers.”

Fitch cited the case of Stephen Smith, the Tories’ former legislative co-ordinator in the house who recently landed a job in the Department of Tourism, Heritage and Culture. Fitch said Smith was fired on Wednesday.

“I mean, what does someone have to do to get the attention of the premier, like Stephen Smith did?” Fitch asked our reporter. “One can stand across from Gallant in the Legislature all day long, shouting questions across the crowded room, and still not get his attention outside of work.”

“Where does he hang out? What does he like to do in his spare time? Where does he buy his clothes? Did he do anything special for Valentine’s Day? What are his hopes and dreams? Does he do P90X or something? Because he can wear the hell out of a suit,” Fitch went on before The Manatee‘s reporter could stop him. “When will the premier directly answer these questions — the questions of everyday, ordinary hardworking New Brunswickers?”

“If the Liberals want to spend all of their time on vindictive payback and political patronage instead of taking care of the business of New Brunswickers, I have real misgivings about this government. I’m sure the premier means well … you know, it’s not him per se. He’s a great guy and everything. He does seem to me to be a kind and gentle man, but he also has this … strength in him, vigour … this intoxicating tenacity … you know what I mean? Am I making any sense?

Our reporter was unable to escape Fitch’s tirade before he said: “Sometimes, I think I catch him looking at me with this expression on his face and then I think, ‘Was that just my imagination?’ The premier needs to stop playing games with the hearts of New Brunswickers tell them what’s going on in his head already.”

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