Fredericton — As another holiday season draws to a close, authoritative countdown lists of the best albums, books, and movies written by condescending elitists in coffee shops are popping up in news feeds and magazines across the province.
No one is more aware of these hit-lists than Adam Goodine, 22, who has left complete control of his beliefs up to the professionals.
“I just avoid thinking critically all year,” said the fourth-year UNB Arts student. “There’s just so much out there. Trying to develop your own tastes inside this cultural no-man’s-land is nearly impossible. Why not just have someone else cherry-pick the best 10 for you?”
Most critics’ lists are published in late November or early December, summing up the year that’s not yet over.
“They come out at the exact right time. The lists help me carry the more…intellectual aspects of our family’s holiday parties,” explained Goodine. “I need the critics to tell me what I like in time so I can regurgitate their opinions, disguised as mine, and cram them down my relatives’ throats.”
Despite having his opinions spoon-fed to him, Goodine still has trouble making up his mind.
“Even though I thought I really loved the new Saba album, Pitchfork didn’t include it on their list. Also, I’m pretty sure I hated The 1975 LP that was just released, but they put it at #21. And that’s just one website,” he continued. “There are so many sources to go through, they should make a top 10 list of the best lists.”
Goodine is also looking forward to applying his pseudo-analysis to the upcoming award season.
“I haven’t even seen Cuarón’s Roma yet, but I already know it deserves Best Picture, if not at least the Best Foreign Film Oscar. It’s one of the most groundbreaking and awe-inspiring movies of the 21st century, according to quite a few lists I’ve read.”