Fredericton — A 37-year-old Frederictonian is taking a unique approach to finding love on the open road. “Plenty of Fish wasn’t working for me,” Steve Johnson told this Manatee reporter. “I’d sent out dick pics to dozens of women, but no one was biting.”
After the flurry of rejections, the hapless suitor decided to take his search for a soulmate to the streets of Fredericton’s north side, and he’s gaining some notoriety.
“I’ve been driving around Nashwaaksis displaying my manhood and the response has been huge,” he said with a wink.
Indeed, it has! Even Canada’s national news broadcaster has jumped on the bandwagon reporting on the man’s pursuit of romance as he motors around the downtown area like a mating peacock on full display while asking women if they need a drive.
“I can totally tell by the look in their eyes and their gasps of astonishment that they are surprised by what I have to offer,” Johnson said. “Not only do I have my own sweet ride — a grey Hyundai Elantra — I have the dexterity to drive one-handed.”
Johnson’s Plenty of Fish profile describes him as a Caucasian male in his 30s with a heavy-set build and pale complexion. “But that profile doesn’t do me justice,” he claims. “I’m just a really nice guy.”
But Fredericton Police are warning the cock-stroking Casanova that he is about to find himself in a sticky situation. “We don’t condone this sort of behaviour,” Fredericton Police Chief Leanne Fitch said at an early afternoon press conference. “This is yet another example of a Fredericton driver operating a motor vehicle while using a hand-held device.”
Fitch warned that if Johnson is caught red-handed, he’ll be charged with distracted driving under the Motor Vehicle Act.
Meanwhile, Johnson has garnered plenty of attention, but hasn’t scored any dates yet. “I’ve been really putting myself out there and talking to lots of attractive women on the street, but so far it’s been hit or miss.”
Still, he isn’t deterred. “With all this exposure, I feel like I’m this close,” he said, holding his thumb and forefinger 5 and a half inches apart, “to reaching the climactic end of my love story.”