Fredericton — The Fredericton Police Department has issued a press release highlighting the “lighter side” of the recently purchased light-armoured vehicle.
“It’s not scary at all. Look at that adorable nose!” the press release exclaims.
The police department is responding to criticism that a city of 56,000 has no need for equipment normally found in the military. However, a recent statement details less intimidating uses of the new equipment.
“The Terradyne RPV, which we have nicknamed Rudy, will be dressed to look like one bad-ass reindeer over the Christmas holidays. Take a break, Rudolf — we’ll guide Santa’s sleigh this year with our 20,000-lumen spotlight and 8 armed officers, all in one vehicle!”
The new purchase also includes 7 gun ports and an 800-watt sound system for emergency scene announcements and communications. This Christmas, it will be used to blast Twisted Sister’s Christmas album A Twisted Christmas.
“The speakers are right loud. We’re so stoked,” said one officer.
Pop-up dance parties are being considered for the warmer months.
“We want to ensure Fredericton gets the best value with their tax dollars. It will not be deployed randomly; only when needed for a totally bangin’ time,” the statement concludes.