Fredericton — Mere hours after proclaiming her resolve to do away with her bad eating habits, to quit yelling at her children and to get back into yoga, Sandra Anderson is reneging on these promises and saying “maybe next year.”
It was a promising start to 2017 for the 35-year-old mother of three when she rang in the new year with some neighbourhood friends. Each took turns sharing their ambitious plans to once and for all change their most hated behaviours.
“We had a small gathering with our neighbours and their kids,” recalled a discouraged Anderson, “and after a few bottles of Smirnoff Ice and a couple shots of Sour Puss I was feeling pretty motivated — I knew I had it in me to be better.”
Anderson went on to detail the inspiration behind her three resolutions. “Well, the first one is pretty easy,” she said while shoving a few Cadbury Mini Eggs into her mouth. “I’ve been eating nothing but junk for the last month and it needs to change now. But, first I figured I should probably get rid of all the leftover Christmas candy and stuff so I won’t be tempted by it later on — and it would be wasteful to just throw it away.
“The yelling at my kids thing was more wishful thinking than anything else,” she continued. “I guess I was kinda hoping they’d just stop being jerks and I wouldn’t feel the need to yell anymore. That one went out the door at about 5:30 Sunday morning when I was woken up by my 6-year-old looking for his Nintendo DS.”
Our reporter asked Anderson if she’s still planning on keeping her final resolution of getting back into yoga, but her response didn’t sound very promising.
“Well, it’s pretty hard to find the time to get to a class, you know?” she questioned defensively. “And I’ve got to get new yoga clothes, find my mat, and then get there early enough to get a spot at the back of the class where no one will see me — it’s really hard work trying to find peace like that.”
Anderson is already planning on what her resolutions will be next year, and even while sober is assuring herself that “2018 will be the year.”