New Brunswick — A recent poll released by the Angus Reid Institute found that New Brunswick Premier Brian Gallant is amongst the least popular premiers in the county — and he simply can’t believe it.
“What picture did they use?” he asked our reporter when confronted with the findings. “They must have gotten one where I just woke up, or it was windy, or maybe I had just seen a spider or something — there’s been some kind of mistake. Can we do the poll again with a new picture? One that I approve?”
According to the poll released Monday, Gallant now has the second-lowest approval rating ahead of only Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger.
“That guy is a real jerk and doesn’t even have a very nice smile,” fired Gallant. “I better be ahead of that loser.”
The report, which is released quarterly, stated that Gallant’s rating has plummeted from 40 percent in March to a lowly 27 percent today. Selinger, the only premier with a lower approval rating, is listed at 23 percent.
“People are just fed up with Brian being so much better looking than everyone else,” suggested Deputy Premier Stephen Horseman. “He’s a good-looking dude — really good-looking. Sometimes people don’t know how to process their true emotions with someone like that, so it comes out as anger.”
“Maybe we just think he’s an idiot,” offered Martha Kingston of Dumfries. “I don’t care if he does have piercing blue eyes and a chiselled jawline. If he can’t do the job, let’s get him out of that suit and into something more appropriate — like a Speedo maybe.”
Gallant told The Manatee that he has put together a plan to ensure he turns things around and is one of the most popular premiers the next time the poll comes out in October. “It’s a 3-part plan,” he explained. “Step 1: I’m going to work on my tan. Step 2: Frosted tips. Step 3: Crest 3D whitening kit. Look out Canada, here comes Brian.”