New Brunswick — Tired of the constant barrage of Tim Hortons cups everywhere you look? Fear not! The Government of New Brunswick has partnered with RCMP Forensic Laboratory Services to announce a pilot project of DNA extraction on all Tim Hortons cups found outside of a proper waste receptacle.
This project will have two phases: phase one will be community outreach where RCMP will educate the public on how to pick up cups safely without placing their own DNA on the cups. Officers will provide grab-it tools and plastic dog poop bags, and will detail drop locations around the city where people can anonymously place the trash.
“It’s great to see one of our own member’s ideas come to light,” said RCMP Sgt. Kim Peralta. “We’ve been working on this since 2003, and finally came up with the right program that’s sustainable. And the public will surely be on board 110%, like they are with all of our other initiatives.”
Phase two will be the analysis and subsequent criminal charges being laid on anyone whose DNA is found on the cups.
It is imperative for the public to be aware of how easy it is for them to leave their DNA behind, and the government is hoping that people do not realize that using plastic straws in their cups and then disposing of them in a separate area will bypass the validity of the DNA testing.
“This is so dumb, and will definitely impact whether I ever drink any Tim Hortons products again,” said Horace Menzies, who frequents Tim Hortons every day at 9 a.m. with his fellow retirees. “This is just another way for the government to screw us over with this carbon tax thing.”
When The Manatee asked why the government and Tim Hortons don’t just focus on more reusable items and aim to educate the public on proper disposal, local MLA Josh Simpson said, “I’m sure we could consider this someday, but I’m just not sure it’s in the budget for the foreseeable future.
“Helping the environment is more of something people like to talk a lot about, without ever actually doing anything.”