Maugerville — After the New Brunswick company Covered Bridge Potato Chips revealed a new flavour this week, the biggest potato in the province is hitchhiking out West to avoid becoming caught up in the popularity of the “storm chip” trend.
Covered Bridge released “Storm chips” in “a flurry of flavours” in an effort to capitalize on #stormchips, last winter’s unprecedented social media movement. If grocery and convenience stores can’t keep chips in stock when it snows, potato chip producers will have to get creative — and a little ruthless.
The Manatee caught up with the gigantic spud outside the Maugerville vegetable market. “I was planning to get out of this dismal province anyway,” admitted the weary potato, precariously balanced on his impossibly tiny legs, waving his spindly thumb at passing transport trucks. “I’ve been standing at the side of the road watching customers for almost 100 years! I’m bored, I’m restless, and quite frankly, I don’t know if my bowlegs can hold me much longer.”
We asked the potato what he hopes to find out West. “I don’t think they know about storm chips, which is the main draw,” he said, all of his eyes fixed on the road. “But other than that, everything’s bigger out there, right? So maybe I won’t draw so much attention and can just be myself for the first time. Gawking tourists will finally stop taking pictures of me next to their dumb kids.
“And like everyone in New Brunswick, I’ve slowly come to realize there’s nothing holding me here. Short of this damned concrete plastered to my feet, of course.”
The potato also hopes to trade in his outdated top hat for a cowboy hat the second he hits Alberta. “This thing was in fashion when I started wearing it back in 1932. But over the decades I’ve seen styles come and go, and this ‘storm chips’ nonsense is as good a reason as any to update my look.
“People always tell me to just go work at Potato World in Florenceville-Bristol and be grateful I have a job, but I have bigger hashbrowns to fry,” added the talkative spud.
During the interview, a McCain Foods truck drove by slowly, seemingly very interested in giving the potato a ride. “Keep movin’, buddy!” yelled the potato. “Nothin’ to see here.”