‘Heck’s Angels’ annoy Frederictonians

‘Heck’s Angels’ annoy Frederictonians

Fredericton — While the international biker gang Hell’s Angels is known for their intimidating outlaw reputation, a new rival biker gang with a less terrifying stature is gaining notoriety in the province’s capital.

The new gang — known for its membership of middle-aged men with poor hearing going through a midlife crisis — is poised to become an even larger club with a decidedly louder impact on everyday life.

Known simply as Heck’s Angels, the group of men are bound together by their common love of riding motorcycles with very loud long pipes. When asked what it was about offensively loud long pipes that caused a common bond of friendship among these men, 54-year-old accountant/biker Troy Bruyant answered without hesitation.

“WHAT? What did you say?” Bruyant shouted back. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Can you speak up please? Turn OFF the bike? Are you saying shut off the bike? I can’t understand you.”

After shutting off the motorcycle, Bruyant dismissed the assertion that long pipes are necessary for the safety of the rider. “Anyone who knows anything about the Doppler effect knows that’s bunk. But, it’s the excuse we use so we can ride around town sounding like a Saturn 5 rocket taking off! I mean, how cool is that? Right? Right?”

St. Thomas University sociologist Wendell Peters maintains that this group behaviour has a distinct pattern. “As hairlines recede and back hair grows, there is a direct correlation with the increase in motorcycle decibel output. You can almost set your watch by it, it’s really quite remarkable.”

Despite their pseudo-tough guy image, the members of Heck’s Angels are planning to keep their law-breaking confined to the noise by-laws.

“Even though I’m a rebel who plays by my own rules, I’m trying to keep myself out of trouble with the law,” said Bruyant. “I have to pick up the kids from my mother-in-law’s by 4 p.m., and I’ve got a big meeting tomorrow.”

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