Saint John — Office worker Jordan Harrison, 30, of Saint John, has reportedly turned up to do his job today, despite being in the throes of a terrible illness.
“I have a bad cold, or maybe it’s the flu — not sure, I never did get my shot. But I’m pretty sick,” said the bleary-eyed conqueror, as he sat down and turned on his monitor. “It just came over me on the weekend and now I’m really in the thick of it. My girlfriend said I should take it easy today but I’m not one to just give up. She’s probably just delirious and not thinking straight; she came down with some kind of mysterious sickness the day after I did.”
Harrison’s co-workers unanimously admired his intrepid spirit.
“Wow, I didn’t think he’d make it in today, but here he is! Coughing and sneezing and blowing his nose a mere three feet away from me like the lion-hearted warrior he is!” exclaimed co-worker Jessica Drisdelle. “I’m just not brave enough to come to the office if I’m contagious, but this guy — amazing! He’s an example to us all.”
“He’s a fighter, all right,” said boss Chris Olsen. “I told people they can and should stay home if they’re sick, but he fought through it and just forced himself to get here so he could do the work he could easily accomplish at home. Now that’s what I call going above and beyond the call of duty! I may just have to promote him.”
“I never really saw him in this light before, but something about the way he’s hunched there with bags under his eyes and wiping snot onto his hand really turns me on…” mused Kelly Allen, just out of earshot of her ailing office-mate. “I know he has a girlfriend but man…the bravery combined with the flowing mucus is making him irresistible right now. I might ask him to grab a drink with me after work if he’s not too sick.”
Harrison said that, though he can feel his communicable illness worsening by the minute, he definitely plans to come to work tomorrow, too.
“I’ve never gotten so much positive feedback and attention just for existing!” said the valorous knight among men, feebly peeling the wrapper from a cough drop. “Here’s hoping this sickness lasts another week or two!”