Instructor admits yoga classes just expensive stretching

Fredericton — A yogi in downtown Fredericton — which is the yoga capital of the capital city — has finally admitted that yoga is mostly just expensive stretching.

“I first got into yoga during university when a friend dragged me to a class one Saturday morning, to help me sweat out my hangover,” said Sacha Welsford. “I quickly advanced in my practice, and now I teach my own class. It’s an easy way to make money, because, as I said, it’s just expensive stretching.”

Welsford added that she makes a point of providing an experience that all her customers feel is worth their while.

“I try to throw in lots of spiritual mumbo-jumbo so they feel like they’re getting something meaningful out of stretching, besides being more limber,” explained the 28-year-old. “Most of the time I make it up on the fly, too. It’s like, ‘Centre your heart’s chakra’ or some nonsense. Or ‘Lift your pelvic floor to engage mula bandha’ or ‘Focus your drishti to your middle finger.’ It doesn’t matter, really — it’s all stretching.

“They give me their $200 a month and I’m like ‘Namaste, bitches!'”

Another instructor, who wished to remain anonymous lest she jeopardize her position in the yoga community, also admitted that the cost can outweigh the benefits.

“When you factor in the mandatory overpriced Lululemon attire, that mat-carrying strap thing that only outcasts don’t buy, the expensive water bottle, the yoga blocks and straps and mat, the commute to and from the studio, not to mention the time expended just posting pictures of yourself doing poses on social media and telling everyone about yoga’s benefits, this is one pricey pastime,” she conceded.

“You can literally get this for free on YouTube.”