New Brunswick — Federal Liberal Leader and national heartthrob Justin Trudeau made stops all across New Brunswick yesterday as part of his campaign to become Canada’s next — and as he puts it “best-looking” — prime minister.
Trudeau made appearances in Fredericton, Woodstock and Miramichi where he discussed his political platform, fielded questions about his policies and showed off his glamorous smile.
Justin, son of famed former prime minister Pierre Trudeau, is confident he’ll be able to secure the support of voters in the Picture Province by explaining his agenda, which includes marijuana legalization, tax cuts for the middle class, the potential of universal child care and an autographed photo of him taken while vacationing in the Caribbean for all those who vote for him.
“Justin is following the lead of New Brunswick’s current premier, Brian Gallant, who impressively became the province’s youngest ever premier last year,” explained campaign adviser Sherry Kensington. “Clearly, a mix of good policies, bold promises and stunning good looks makes for a lethal combination in the world of politics.”
Trudeau’s first stop was in Fredericton at the Grant-Harvey Centre on the city’s south side. The event was originally scheduled to take place outdoors at Wilmot Park, but the forecast called for rain, and Justin refused to get his hair wet. “If you had any idea how much he spent on his stylist, you wouldn’t want him out in the rain,” Kensington told our reporter. “It would be a waste of taxpayers’ money if his hair got wet and messed up.”
The young Liberal leader wooed the crowd with his charm and charisma as he explained his goals concerning the province. “It’s time to put New Brunswick on the map,” he declared. “Seriously, though, you guys aren’t on the map at Parliament and I’ll do whatever I can to fill in the black void between Quebec and Nova Scotia.”
Trudeau promised more jobs, though he didn’t give any indication as to how this plan come to fruition. “There will be an overwhelming abundance of employment coming to New Brunswick,” he chimed before quickly changing the subject to his marijuana initiative.
“Who here likes to smoke weed?” he asked the enchanted crowd. “I plan on legalizing its use and creating growth in our nation’s economy from it. Sure, people will be working a little slower, but we’ll have more people working to pick up the slack.”
Those lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the would-be prime minister were left feeling satisfied with his visit to the capital city.
“I think he’ll be an excellent leader,” suggested 34-year-old Carol Jenkins. “You see the amount of care he puts into his appearance — that’s the amount of care I’d expect he’d put into the country too.”
“His values, his attitude, his name, his smile — you name it, this kid has it going on,” said local political analyst Peter Bridges. “He is built to be a star. I don’t necessarily believe that those attributes directly translate into him being a great leader, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.”
The thick crowd in the arena was asked to “please stand” as the young Liberal candidate made his exit. Trudeau was ushered into his waiting campaign bus where he was met by his hair and makeup team to get ready for his next stop in Woodstock.
The federal election is scheduled for Oct. 19, when hundreds of New Brunswickers will take to the polls to cast votes for the candidate they think will screw up the least.