Liberals set to lower drinking age

Fredericton — The Gallant government is creating controversy yet again, this time with changes to the legislation regarding the legal drinking age in Canada’s Picture Province. Gallant called an impromptu press conference at Montana’s in Fredericton over the weekend to discuss the changes that will be implemented beginning in May of this year.

“Thank you all for joining me here at this amazing bar and grill,” said Gallant as he was finishing off a rack of baby-back ribs. “This is a big day for the youth of our province. We’re going forward with a plan to reduce the legal drinking to 16 years old for girls, and 17 for boys.”

The premier explained that the change will benefit many local businesses and will also provide a boost in taxes and a reduction of certain costs to the province. “More people buying alcohol is good for NB Liquor, which is good for us,” he continued. “It will also reduce youth crime associated with underage drinking. Now that youth will be drinking legally, obviously there won’t be as many underage drinking crimes — that’s basic math.”

The premier sat down at his table as he fielded questions from reporters. “Let me first say, this spinach and artichoke dip provided by Montana’s is just wonderful. Now to answer your question, yes I do think this is in the best interest of public safety. If these kids are old enough to drive, they’re old enough to drink.”

When asked whether he thought there would be safety risks involved with lowering the drinking age, he said: “We need to be able to provide our children with a sense of trust and responsibility. They should be allowed to buy a delicious Rickard’s Red to go with their tasty-hot cactus-cut fries here at Montana’s — I think 16-year-olds should be able to enjoy all of the delicious benefits of this great food establishment.”

The Manatee asked why a different limit was decided upon for boys and girls. “Girls mature faster than boys do — we want to be responsible with our decision-making,” the charismatic premier continued. “I believe that only good things will come from this. Sixteen-year-old girls will be allowed to drink, while the boys will act as their chauffeur — what could go wrong?”

Outrage quickly spread throughout the streets of Fredericton after Gallant finished up his meal and the press conference. “I’m outraged!” shouted a confused and angry Joseph Branson. “I’ve got a 17-year-old boy at home, and I thought I’d be able to go a couple more years before I had to start sharing my booze with him.”

“It’s irresponsible,” suggested Elizabeth Jennings, a 4th-year sociology student at UNB. “Young teenagers don’t deserve to have the right to get drunk and act like immature children — that’s a right that belongs to us young adults.”

Local business owners see a lot of promise with this new legislation. “It’ll be great for my bar,” said local nightclub owner Kevin Carter. “I’ll be able to do some cool promos like ‘buy one beer and get a free Backstreet Boy poster’ — or whatever the kids are into nowadays.”

The Manatee spoke with the premier, who was wearing a Montana’s branded leather jacket, outside of his office on Monday morning. We asked whether he was contemplating lowering the voting age to 16 as well, since he considers it to be an appropriate age to be given such responsibility. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here,” said the coy Gallant. “I don’t imagine that there would be too many 16-year-olds willing to contribute to our campaign needs, so no I don’t see much benefit in lowering the voting age right now.”


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