Miramichi — Jeremy Bowles, the new head of “Initiatives and Innovations” for the City of Miramichi, urges the community not to underestimate the effect of an extra coat of paint.
With a dwindling population and local businesses closing shop on a weekly basis, Miramichi is having a difficult time sustaining its own economy, and is consequently looking into new, unique ways to attract business. Bowles believes he has found the perfect solution, which he claims to have devised this past summer while driving home after seeing The Guardians of the Galaxy.
“What I’m suggesting is that we coat Miramichi in a light green, non-toxic, lead-free paint,” Bowels announced Wednesday in a press conference. “That way, we’ll be able to use the latest chroma key composition technology to digitally impose an improved city onto the existing, crappy one.”
According to Bowles, the digitally retooled image of the city could potentially be used for all forms of publicity, including commercials, pamphlets and online advertising.
“I’m now working with the mayor to organize a maintenance crew who will be sent out once a week with buckets of green paint to ensure that every square inch of the city remains a healthy shade of harlequin.”
This initiative will, however, require some compliance from residents and business owners in the city.
“If Miramichiers are going to want this to work — and I’m confident that they will — they will have wear only green clothing whenever they are out of the house. We’ve already struck a tentative agreement with Old Navy to create an all-green line of clothing exclusive to our city.”
Bowles claims that the digital imaging would boost everything from local pride to the city’s tourism industry, without the extraneous cost of building new infrastructure.
Some detractors feel that people may find this approach to be misleading, since the strategy adheres perfectly to the definition of the word “misleading,” but Bowles does not anticipate this being a problem.
“I think, to a certain degree, that it’s expected. After all, a city is never quite as nice as it is represented in pictures. We’re just taking that a little bit further.”