Fredericton — Employees of the King Street Circle K in downtown Fredericton were in for a shock on New Brunswick Day when a masked man entered the store and demanded all of the location’s Pump Up the Fun game tickets.
The man, who according to witnesses was about 6 feet tall, heavyset, and wearing a sleeveless camo Alpine shirt that exposed a temporary tattoo of the New Brunswick flag on his left bicep, walked in at around 9:20 a.m., grabbed two Slim Jims and a bag of Zesty Doritos, then approached the cash register. Store cameras caught the man brandishing a knife just moments later.
“Everything was fine until I gave him the contest voucher,” recounted cashier Sheila Ganong. “He tore it open, and when he saw that the stickers weren’t the ones he wanted, he just sort of went berserk.
“Course, I thought it was a bit odd that he was wearing a full ski mask in the summer, but we get all kinds of weirdos at this location, all day every day. Nothing seemed too far out of the ordinary until he demanded I hand over every last sticker. Can you imagine how many Harley-Davidsons and camping sets he could win with those?”
Benny Killam was in line behind the robber.
“I heard him muttering something about the fact that if he didn’t get the ‘Caribou’ sticker, someone was gonna get it, and that he’d better win the 2016 Ford Escape, or else,” said Killam. “I was like, ‘Dude, no one has that sticker. It’s the rarest one. I’d bet there’s like one such sticker in the entire province and you just know some rich old lady’s going to find it.’ Typical Irving bullshit.”
The criminal took off with the ill-gotten armload of tickets, presumably to spend the rest of the day tearing and peeling. Should any readers notice a man in possession of the sticker reading “Caribou,” please confiscate it and mail it to Manatee headquarters to be evaluated by our crime unit.