Missing cup messages force Tims customers to just assume they’re losers

Missing cup messages force Tims customers to just assume they’re losers

Atlantic Canada — The country’s favourite no-skill-required contest is back, and RRRoll Up the Rim to Win has Tim Hortons customers lining up for the chance to win a range of cool prizes with their double-doubles.

Some of the XL-sized cups, though, have been misprinted — or rather not printed at all — leaving coffee addicts wondering whether they’ve won or lost.

“I mean I suspected I was a loser, but I like to have it confirmed,” said Hank Ferguson of St. John’s, N.L. “When I rolled up that rim and there was nothing there — no free coffee, no barbecue, no ‘please play again’ — it was like a slap in the face.”

Tim Hortons has admitted than many of this year’s cups have nothing printed where a message would normally say “please play again” or “win a muffin.” Most of the faulty cups have turned up in Newfoundland and Alberta, with a sprinkling throughout the rest of Canada.

Fran Lowell of Moncton, N.B. also missed out on a message from the coffee giant.

“I pretty much live for RRRoll Up the Rim,” she told us, dipping a stale tea biscuit into a lukewarm bowl of chicken noodle soup. “I felt pretty ripped off not knowing if I’m a winner or loser. I mean I have a hunch which one I am — I stole my sister’s car to drive to Tims today and I planned to spend a few hours filling out a job application I’ll never submit just to kill time — but I really don’t like not knowing for absolute certain, ya know?”

Tims Hortons came out with a public statement on the matter at a press conference this morning.

“We apologize for any confusion our mistake may have caused,” said Sheila Orville, head of Tims public relations. “But honestly, most of you are losers, so if you have a cup that doesn’t say anything, it’s safe to sort of…read between the lines.

“Think about it, people…take a look in the mirror. You’re stumbling into a nearby Tims after pretending to boycott us for a while, you’re probably wearing your sweats that you slept in and threw on an old camo hat to cover your bed-head, you’re spending money you don’t have on an extra-large coffee with 4 creams and 4 sugars — do we really need to tell you that you’re not a winner?”

The company has promised that anyone whose cup had no message is able to return to the location of purchase and for no additional cost an employee will tell them that they are a loser.

  1. I’ve spent $2000 so far trying to win a doughnut and now this. Outrageous I say, outrageous. As a silent protest I will only buy a large coffee from them now on instead of an extra large. That will teach them.


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