Moncton — Just over a week after New Brunswick shifted back to the “green” alert phase, it was recorded that there are now 66 active COVID cases in the province, the most concentrated area being Moncton, with 48 cases.
Officials have determined that 90 per cent of those cases are unvaccinated people under 40 years of age.
“We had initially assumed, perhaps naively, that it was the ‘boomers’ who would be the most resistant to inoculations. After all, they are apparently to blame for most of the world’s problems,” Premier Blaine Higgs told a press gathering. “Unfortunately, it’s actually us young people, particularly the ‘party’ crowd, proving to be the most difficult to vaccinate.”
Thankfully, the provincial government, working in conjunction with Moncton city officials, have been swift in developing a solution: a suite of vaccine-based craft beers, designed to attract the unvaccinated bar-hoppers spreading the virus.
The first of these brews, ModernAle, an IPA (Immunity Protecting Ale), will be on tap in all Moncton bars starting Friday.
“It’s a Johnson & Johnson blend, featuring bold undertones of Pfizer, and just a hint of AstraZeneca, for some added ‘kick,’” explained brewmaster Don Cartier, holding a glass up to the light so that reporters could admire its amber sheen.
The beer, he explained, was developed with a strong flavour intended to break through COVID-related ageusia with a taste that could be described as “drain cleaner, mixed with concentrated human misery,” according to the label.
“Wouldn’t the beer’s terrible taste turn off potential customers, er…patients?” one CBC journalist asked.
Cartier shot her a condescending half-smile.
“Clearly, you’re not a craft beer person.”