New Brunswick — Yesterday, Canada’s top health official, Dr. Tam, said that Canadians should consider wearing a mask during sexual activity, and women in New Brunswick have come out in full support of this added safety precaution.
“I’ve actually been suggesting this to my husband for years,” bragged Darla Laurington from Harvey Station. “Even before the virus was even discovered or anything, I kept tellin’ Billy that it would be a lot better for me if he wore a mask — it’s like I’m a friggin’ clairvoyant or something.”
Laurington certainly wasn’t the only one who was championing this health imitative; our reporter was overwhelmed by women wanting to express why they believe this is the responsible thing to do.
Cries ranged from: “My man is ugly” to “My guy has terrible breath” and “That’s just something I’m kind of into but I’ve been too shy to tell my boyfriend about it.”
Saint John mother of two Brittany Hall said that she’s even taken it a step further with her boyfriend.
“I told Dale that he should never take off the mask — not during sex, not while watching TV, not even while eatin’ — I’ve seen those ones that have the flap you can fold up for food or whatever. I think this will do wonders for the divorce rate around here.”
The Manatee also found men who were excited about the idea, but for different reasons.
“This is actually going to be great for my game,” explained Frank Bower of Fredericton. “I know I’m not the best looking guy and I’ve already changed my Tinder profile picture to me wearing a mask so the ladies will know what they’re getting themselves into. And to tell you the truth, I don’t look half bad when you can only see half of me!”