Sussex — New Brunswickers looking to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day by knocking back a few green brews won’t find them for sale at their local Irish pub — or at any other licensed establishments in the province, for that matter.
Green Party Leader and Fredericton South MLA David Coon has been working with NB Liquor to restrict the shamrock-shaded spirits from being served, citing copyright infringement.
“We just feel that it sends the wrong message and is inconsistent with our core values,” he announced during a recent visit to an undisclosed shale operation in York County.
“The Green Party has worked hard to build our brand both locally and nationally as a socially conscious alternative. We cannot our image tied to recreational use of intoxicating substances. That is an image that would be very hard for us to shake.”
The ban has received mixed reactions from residents of New Brunswick. Troy Waters, a 21-year-old self-described philosopher, is outraged that he won’t be able to show that he’s partying for a culture that isn’t his. “This is terrible! I planned to knock back as many green beers as possible, wearing all green and putting on a bad Irish accent. Who are they to tell me I can’t do that?”
While there are some establishments that plan to defy the ban, many are relieved to skip the annual suds-staining tradition.
“Do you know how long it takes to wash the green out of my hands each year?” asked April Leblanc, bartender at The Lazy Arse in Sussex. “I’m so glad this crap is over. Now the toilets won’t look like someone slaughtered a leprechaun the next day.”
“We cannot our image tied to recreational use of intoxicating substances.”
Maybe the author could lay off the green stuff long enough to make a proper sentence.