Campbellton — Another long, snowy winter is upon us, and the companies who work tirelessly to clean out the driveways of homes and businesses across the province are working to to make this winter a worry-free one for its customers.
The Provincial Working Committee on the Seasonal Removal of Snow for Commercial and Residential Properties, in response to complaints from its members, has compiled a list of suggestions which, it feels, will encourage a successful snow-removal season.
Campbellton-based spokesman Ken Boudreau said these guidelines should help deal with the punishing winters New Brunswickers endure. “We hate snow. You hate snow. We complain about it, pay someone to remove it, and go about our miserable little lives. This list of recommendations should add a tiny glimmer of hope to our wretched existence. Or not. Who cares. I spend my winters in Boca Raton.”
The committee’s recommendations:
- Ensure that dogs are not chained in your driveway, as recent events have demonstrated that this can have a negative outcome for the pet;
- Pre-shovel to ensure a quick and efficient snow-removal process by our plows;
- Consider upgrading to an SUV to prevent accidental disassembly of your vehicle. We cannot be held responsible for any smaller vehicles that pass through our snow-blowers;
- Do not put out the weekly garbage during a storm unless you want to pick up shredded diapers and rotting compost off your lawn for a month next spring;
- Discourage hobos or the homeless from camping out on your driveway or lawn;
- Please spread actual salt on your driveway, especially if it is steeper than a 1% grade. Bath salts may smell pretty, but do not melt snow efficiently;
- Leave out hot toddies and cookies for the plow drivers to ensure that your driveway will be cleared before your neighbours’ during the next storm; and
- Driveways will be cleaned in order of political allegiances, in the following order: Rhinoceros Party, NDP, Green, Farmers’ Union, Liberal, and Conservative.
Environment Canada is predicting that New Brunswick will receive nearly 500 centimetres of snow this season.