Fredericton — The Government of New Brunswick’s Labour and Employment Board has recently been revealed to be a literal board propped up in a swivel chair in a government cubicle.
The truth came to light after several concerned citizens had attempted to contact the Board on dozens of occasions, getting no response of any kind.
“I really just wanted to report my employer’s grievous misconduct,” said Shelly Wright, an Irving Oil employee, “not uncover a scandal. I got no answer after I emailed the Board a few times over the course of a few months, so I decided to call. Again, no answer. I later found out that several of my coworkers had been trying to report our employer for quite some time as well, with the same result.”
Wright decided to take matters into her own hands. “I checked the website and it looked out of date, but that’s pretty typical of government sites, so I didn’t think anything of it. Eventually I said ‘Fuck it,’ got in my car and drove downtown to check through every government office building; after just a few minutes I found it — a 2-by-4 in a corner office. There was a piece of loose-leaf taped to it with the words ‘Labour Board’ scrawled in Sharpie. Well, actually, it was spelled ‘Layber’ Board. What a disgrace.”
According to the Board, its only responsibility is to maintain the departmental website, a task it seems to have undertaken as well as any other government employee given the same job. Wright noted that the Board’s office is a lot nicer than most of the others she saw while searching. “At least someone has a good job in this province,” huffed Wright.
The Manatee texted Premier Brian Gallant about the issue and received the following reply within minutes: “U guys kno we’re all about transparency. There IS a Board, it’s just not the kind of board u thought LMAO 😉 I take employment issues in NB very srsly, and so does the Board. gtg TTYL! <3”
Should any New Brunswickers wish to contact the Labour and Employment Board for any reason, they are encouraged to think about their issue really hard, then shove it into the deepest, darkest part of their subconscious, and ensure it never surfaces again.