Quispamsis — As other provinces continue to drag their feet leading up to the Oct. 17 legalization of marijuana, New Brunswick already has a firm framework for Cannabis NB to begin selling as soon as the date approaches.
While Ontario has gone back to the drawing board to “review the current structure,” construction is wrapping up on a dispensary here in Quispamsis across from the old Riverboat. I mean the Superstore.
It is one of 11 locations that will be ready to open their doors on the 17th. Compared to the larger provinces in the West, New Brunswick has been extremely well prepared to begin selling marijuana, or “weed” as the kids call it.
“We’ve been waiting for this day for, like, ever,” said provincial grow-op representative Tug Hootman. “I’ve got nothing but land and weed plants. The trees are all going to be gone soon…it’s time to start using New Brunswick’s second most plentiful export!”
When reminded Hootman that “export” implies that it is already being sold and measured. “Uh. Oh. Damn it. Nothing! I’m not here! Bye!” he exclaimed, jumping the guardrail onto an idling four-wheeler. Our news team waited for him to return, but he did not.
When comparing New Brunswick to his home province, Ontario marijuana expert Dave Budd commented, “I think we are all a bit surprised here in Ontario. Half the reason I voted for Doug Ford is that I figured electing an actual drug dealer would be able to speed this whole ‘government selling weed’ business. But we’ve got nothing on New Brunswick!”