New carbon tax causes internet boycott of the environment

New carbon tax causes internet boycott of the environment

Saint John — At the stroke of midnight, a new carbon tax came into effect at the gas pumps in New Brunswick, and with it a new reason to be pissed at the federal government. However, the new tax is also having some unintended consequences.

Since early this morning, social media has become rife with irrational rants against an unlikely subject — the environment itself. In fact, one Saint John Twitter twit with the username @TreesCanSuckIt has been Trump-style rage-tweeting at Mother Nature for the past several hours.

“I used to love the environment,” he tweeted. “But I just paid an extra $5 to fill my tank this morning. So, what do I think now? The environment can go straight to effin’ hell! Eat shit, environment!”

He continued his thread by throwing some shade directly at the bottom of trees. “I mean, New Brunswick is like 85% trees. How are they not doing their job of cleaning the air?! Are they even trying? They are worse than the millennials! Eff you, trees!”

Local Member of Parliament Wayne Long defended the new tax as well as the so-called “lazy” environment. “We all know that the best way to protect the our province from pollution isn’t strict regulation and enforcement of environmental protection legislation, combined with long-term private and public sector investment in green innovation.

“It’s by taking money from people and putting it in a big pile, artificially driving up the cost of living and inflation in an economically depressed province. But don’t worry — we mail most of it back to you in an income tax rebate. Ta-da! Problem solved!” he smiled, taking a deep breath and filling his lungs with beautiful Saint John air.

When asked if he was concerned by the implementation of a new tax in the months preceding a federal election, Long was unconcerned. “Look, one thing we know for sure is people freaking love it when we solve problems by taxing them. I have a feeling this is all going to work out great for us.”

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