Norton annoyingly secretive about trip to Larry's Gulch with Alward

New Brunswick — In an uncharacteristically lame move, Saint John Mayor Mel Norton is refusing to spill the beans on the 2013 super-cool political slumber party at Larry’s Gulch. Norton, who used to tell The Manatee all his juicy gossip, would only say: “I pinky-swore to Dave that I wouldn’t tell anybody anything. My lips are sealed,” while dramatically pulling an imaginary zipper across his mouth.

Many questions from the news media and the public in New Brunswick are left unanswered, such as: “Who is Jason Stephen’s secret crush?”; “Did you all play Spin-the-Bottle?”; and, “Did Glenn Munro really demand a nightlight?”

Larry’s Gulch, in addition to boasting the best salmon fishing on the Restigouche River, is known to be home to some of the most exclusive gossip when it comes to New Brunswick celebs. Noel Sampson was apparently also a part of the party. Sampson, a consultant with Public Affairs in Halifax, refused to tell the disappointed public about even one of those affairs. “All we talked about was really boring stuff that would be of no interest to New Brunswickers,” he said.

Stephanie Bell, Mel Norton’s wife, works with National Public Relations, but wouldn’t say a word to our curious reporter about what sort of “relations” may or may not be happening between the province’s noted politicos. The Manatee‘s star journalist, fishing for gossip, was brave enough to ask: “Someone kissed someone else. We all know it. Were you there? Was it you?”

In answer, Bell referred The Manatee to Luc Ouellet, a managing partner with National Public Relations in Quebec who specializes in government relations and crisis management. Ouellet, who has been confirmed to have attended the infamous night, was a bit more willing to blab about what happened. “I got called in because someone — who shall remain nameless — was having a mid-life crisis. They had heard that Brian Gallant would be running in the next election and couldn’t help but compare their looks to his.”

During this, Norton was seen to have a thin bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. He was later overheard to say: “Maybe I’m not the hottest politician in New Brunswick anymore … then … Who am I?”

The Manatee wants to know:

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