Orange Crush™ soda machine named new leader of the Liberal party

Orange Crush™ soda machine named new leader of the Liberal party

Fredericton — After an emotional farewell speech on Thursday, Brian Gallant stepped down from his position as leader of New Brunswick’s Liberal party, leaving many to wonder who would be stepping up to take his place.

It turns out they didn’t have to wait long, as this morning it was announced that the next party leader would be the Orange Crush™ machine in the lobby of the legislative building.

“We wanted to go with a candidate who we were familiar with, and who knows this system inside out and backwards,” said MLA Stephen Horsman. “For years, the Orange Crush™ machine has been on the outside looking in — but no more.”

Since the announcement early this morning, some have pointed out that the machine has for years been considered something of a money-suck, taking people’s loonies, but not dispensing the soda.

“We view it as an investment,” said Horsman. “Sure, it might be taking a lot of our money now, and yeah, maybe it isn’t giving us anything in return. But one day, we hope that it will give us all of that pop and more.”

Horsman also noted that Orange Crush™ was by far the “hippest” brand of soda, a quality that the former Liberal leader had been sorely lacking in the last few years in the role.

“Besides,” he added. “If you break the colour orange down to its primary colours, it’s red, and yellow. I cannot think of two colours that better describe the Liberal party right now.”

When asked what he thought of the new leader of the Opposition, Premier Blaine Higgs was diplomatic, but did not shy away from voicing his concerns.

“I respect the decision on behalf of the Liberals to choose the candidate that they think is best for the role,” said Higgs. “But, if I’m being honest…the bubbles kind of hurt my mouth.”

“That’s exactly what we’re hoping for,” said Horsman, with a newfound sense of competition.

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