People doing stuff I don’t like not thinking of children, say apartment building neighbours

People doing stuff I don’t like not thinking of children, say apartment building neighbours

Quispamsis — When contentious matters are being debated on The Simpsons, the character Helen Lovejoy often infamously asks, “Why won’t somebody please think of the children?

Now, as a new apartment building is being proposed for the Hampton Road area in Quispamsis, the same question is being directed toward a local builder. Residents surrounding the proposed development are demanding to know why the apathetic apartment architects hate children so much.

“I can’t believe that they are even talking about erecting this condo death-trap right down the road from an elementary school full of children!” said Hampton Road resident Jocelyne Grandmaison. “That building would have 42 units in it, and I bet every single one of those people have mowed down at least one child in their prime! Maybe even two!

“Also, there is a daycare nearby too! One of those apartment cars could hop the curb, ram right through the daycare picture window and land right on top of 10 or more children! I guess it’s open season on children in Kennebecasis Valley now…that’s just great!”

Grandmaison swears that her objections have little to do with “NIMBY-ism” (Not In My BackYard-ism), but are grounded completely on the reasoning that adding a 42-unit building nearby would endanger the lives of Quispamsis grade-schoolers.

“Adding in an apartment building with 42 possible drivers is outrageous!” she said. “Traffic from an apartment building is completely different than traffic from the three nearby churches, the high school, or the arena — not to mention the literally hundreds of other cars belonging to homeowners who already live on or near the street. Apartment cars are wicked machines thirsty for the blood of the innocent, everyone knows that.”

“Our petition is definitely not about appealing to emotion because we can’t think of any other reason to oppose the building besides the fact that we don’t like it. It’s about the kids.”

  1. Nice work on your Article. You brilliant thoughts and ideas abound. Did you get some kick back from McKay builders or do you ever fact check your satire. You appear to not have done a piece on the subsequent accident a week later where a driver plowed into the crossing guard at the school. But hey please make up some more BS about Nimby-ism. Did you ever stop to think about the fact that if a 140 or so residents who all live around this site didn’t want it that perhaps our political system might be skewed by nimby-ism on the town council. I believe you’d find that there are no “apartment buildings” being built in their affluent neighborhoods. You may of also found out that it was suggested the apartment building be built 300 feet up the road on land already zoned high density housing rather than tearing down one of the oldest houses in Quispamsis and putting up an apartment building. But hey what would I know. I’m just a rabid Nimby person from the neighborhood.


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