New Brunswick — For months, local physician Dr. Jean Robert Ngola has been dogged with accusations that he was to blame for a COVID-19 outbreak in the province — an accusation that resulted in several death threats and racist/xenophobic attacks online.
After an investigation, is was determined that the doctor may have had nothing to do with the outbreak. Since this discovery, many have decried the province’s privacy breach, citing this as the primary reason for the public shaming of the physician.
Now, in a show of solidarity, more than 1,500 physicians across the country have signed an open letter promising to never treat Premier Blaine Higgs for any ailment.
“We feel that the premier was rash and irresponsible in identifying Dr. Ngola as ‘patient zero’ for this outbreak,” the letter reads. “It is for this reason that the Canadian Medical Association has resolved to never provide any health-related care for Mr. Higgs, now, or at any future date.”
Being in his late 80s, the premier did not take the news well. Nervous that this would affect him sooner rather than later, he called a meeting with all 1,500 doctors on Thursday, flying many of them in from across the country.
The discussion was held at Saint John’s TD Station, where doctors were seated by their province, in order to best conform to social distancing guidelines.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Higgs began, in a pleading tone. “This is just plain ridiculous. Remember your Hippocratic Oath!”
“You’re a hypocritic oaf!” one doctor heckled.
“Well, all right then,” Higgs said, with a resigned shrug. “If that’s how you all feel, then-“
Suddenly, he stopped.
“Ohh…Ohhhh!” he said, clasping his hand to his chest. “My…My heart! My…”
Before he was able to finish his sentence, the premier slumped to the floor. There he lay, motionless, while none of the doctors moved to help him.
After a time, he opened his eyes, placed his tongue back into his mouth, and sat up, looking sheepish.
“Fine,” he said, standing and dusting himself off. “Be that way.”