Plans of teahouse for white, privileged, middle-aged men kiboshed by clinic purchase

Fredericton – A local group consisting of ex-fraternity brothers, overpaid business executives and reserved politicians is seeking legal action against Reproductive Justice New Brunswick over the recent purchase of the Brunswick Street clinic.

RJNB announced on Jan. 16 that they have secured ownership of the building previously known as the Morgentaler Clinic with the money raised from a hugely popular fundraising campaign. The building, now called Clinic 554, will house a family clinic, and offer medical services including abortion.

While many are rejoicing over the news, a group of all-male wealthy aristocrats is enraged, citing their now-impossible plans of purchasing the building and opening a teahouse for people like them.

clinic“This is infuriating, undemocratic, and a major slap to the face of Fredericton’s wealthy white men,” Arthur Von Irven declared at an official press conference, called only a day after the announcement by RJNB. “We need a place that offers an area of safety and discretion for those struggling with too much wealth or land. The teahouse would have provided such things for Fredericton’s rich men. But now that’s been ruthlessly torn away from us.”

Despite the Morgentaler Clinic being the only one of its kind in New Brunswick, the building was closed after funding issues arose due to provincial lack of support for access. With the establishment up for sale, Von Irven had formed a committee of like-minded members with fair complexions. Currently, there are no services in the area that directly advertise catering to the white and privileged society.

“It’s not even that we have to look into other locations, it’s that we’re being refused access to a safe and secure place for white men. We even have the province fully funding and supporting our initiative.”

Von Irven and his entourage have hinted at potential legal action, engaging the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Various statements taken from the white and rich included direct references to the breaches against the Charter being made by RJNB.

“First and foremost, our health is being threatened,” stated James Perrywin, some sort of lawyer. “Where does a white man with money like myself go? Sure, there’s places like coffee shops and the mall, but I don’t want my problems heard by the entire public ear. We need a place where we can access the services we have a right to, without any sort of obstacle.”

Von Irven and friends have yet to consider other locations. They plan to continue pushing for the former Morgentaler Clinic, with expectations the public will provide support once informed.

“Most people will never know the terrible injustice that’s being done here, unless we do what we can to get the word out. If RJNB’s behaviour becomes a precedent, there’s no telling how many vulnerable groups of people will be affected. I can only pray that justice is served with a mug of steeped tea.”