Poll: 90.1% of New Brunswickers happy to not spend Thanksgiving with their racist uncle

Poll: 90.1% of New Brunswickers happy to not spend Thanksgiving with their racist uncle

New Brunswick — They’re the silent majority, but let’s face it — how many New Brunswickers really want to spend this weekend with their anti-vax aunt or their conspiracy theorist grandpa? But they also don’t want anyone to know about how they feel.

A large proportion of the population, 90.1 per cent, have always dreaded the obligatory family get-togethers around this time of year. Our recent Thanksgiving poll found that a further 53.2 per cent find the holiday “tolerable” and a further 38.7 per cent just plan to bring a videogame console to the gathering and catch up on old games they’ve been too busy to play.

“I didn’t want to let on that I was dreading this gathering, so I posted a meme about how these lockdowns are like fascism because I’m friends with my uncle on Facebook,” said online enthusiast Bradley Dennis. “But honestly, he’s the last guy I want to get drunk with on a Sunday night.”

Most, however, are just silent on the issue when it comes to social media. They might click “like” on an anti-government post just so their friends know they’re not backing down to “the man,” but secretly, many are very excited.

“Are you kidding me!?!” exclaimed Kelly Gallant, a local music fan. “No one in my family likes the music I listen to. Honestly, I love to crank the tunes and they just think it’s noise and yell ‘Turn that racket down!’ and stuff like that. We get in lots of arguments over it. I’m so happy I don’t have to go through that this year! I hope my neighbours break the rules and go to their family gatherings though. I really want to blast the tunes at home!”

When reached for comment, Dr. Jennifer Russell said, “Yeah, we figured this would be a pretty easy one. It’s not like we’re cancelling Harvest or anything.”

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