Fredericton — After the province hit its highest number of new COVID-19 cases yesterday, New Brunswick officials held a press conference to announce new regulations they’re imposing, and quite possibly even enforcing, if things get worse.
“Listen, we’re very, very disappointed in you,” said Premier Blaine Higgs, giving a stern look before equivocating. “Well, Dr. Russell is…and I’m right behind her, one hundred percent! Completely agree. Eighty percent, at least. You know what? Make it an even fifty. I’m halfway behind her on this.”
The premier said that these regulations ought to be followed to the letter, or else! He’ll…well, he won’t be very happy, that’s for sure. He might have to count to three, and you don’t even want to know what happens if he gets there, boy howdy.
These new regulations call to mind earlier in the summer, when the province re-entered the “green” phase, despite being short of the recommended vaccination goals. This lends little credence to its current threats to reimpose guidelines.
“We want to assure you that we will be taking these measures very seriously,” said Dr. Russell.
Higgs made a show of winking at the press gallery, prompting a few snickers from the Telegraph-Journal.
“What was that?” said Dr. Russell, shooting a fiery glare at the premier, who gave an exaggerated “oops, I really did it now” expression. More laughter from the TJ.
“No, no…She’s right,” he said, quieting them down with a wave of his hand. “I might have to think about maybe, possibly enforcing this, for once.”
There was a small groan from the press.
“Y’know, probably,” he said, with a small, embarrassed cough. “If you guys don’t mind, I mean.”