New Brunswick — After Leonardo DiCaprio’s first and long-awaited win at the Oscars last night, many New Brunswickers are upset, saying the 41-year-old hardly deserves a major award for acting out what is just a typical day for many in the Picture Province.
“Who hasn’t been mauled by a bear?” asked Norton man David Francis, who saw The Revenant but was largely unimpressed. “Or for that matter, who hasn’t had to carve out their dead horse’s guts to fabricate an overnight shelter from bitter winter winds? They gave him an Oscar for that? Weak.”
Minto woman Jessica Vaughn said that, as much as she likes Leo, she doesn’t believe his performance was at all Oscar-worthy. “I have to swim through an icy river fully clothed 5 days a week just to get to work,” she said. “If they make a movie about waiting in the Tims drive-thru every frigid morning, it’ll be a different story. That’s true hardship.”
“Jesus Christ, that’s me coming home from the bar every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night!” exclaimed Fredericton student Kelsey Albright. “All he needed was some lip balm and he would have been fine. What a baby.”
“If you ask me, they could have saved a lot of money by hiring a New Brunswicker to play the main role,” said Saint John resident Gary Devine. “We need the work, and Leo looked like shit anyway. No one would have noticed the difference.”
Alma man Bert Higgins echoed these sentiments. “So he gave up shaving and gained some weight. Nothing I don’t do every winter.”
“If this is supposed to be a period piece or whatever they call it, then they must be talking about yesterday or even an hour ago,” offered Campbellton native Jerome Fanjoy. “I deal with worse weather just getting out the door every day.
“Bunch of Hollywood know-nothings crawling around in the snow like it’s a big frigging deal.”